I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
