I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
