I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
