okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
