That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have aggressive nipples.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
