My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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