smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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