I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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