are you still at the devil's house?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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