it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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