i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
