The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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