You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found your dick twin last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
