i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
