I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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