i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
