do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
