the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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