I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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