He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
