I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
