I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
