porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
