What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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