Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
