i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
