you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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