when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
