you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
