Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
