are you still at the devil's house?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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