Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We just shotgunned beers for America
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
