yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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