Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
