Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
false alarm. still invincible.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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