We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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