just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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