Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
