I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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