I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
