Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
