You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
