It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
