I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
