Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
