I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
