you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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