booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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