I will die if light touches me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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