I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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