if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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