sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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