Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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