the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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