Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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