Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Porn is love you can see.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
